goodbyes

My mind empties
When loud music
Scrapes the surface
Of the graying veins
In my head

I never did goodbyes very well

The end of my work day
Goodbye, see you tomorrow
What's the point
I'll just see them again
Tomorrow

Slipping away from parties
Disappearing from
Nondescript banal conversations
Goodbye, thanks for having me
Slinked on the wall like a flower

The uncoupling rattle
Of important relationships
Fittering away the last of words
Burning inside meanings
Of everything that came before

The death of flesh
And carried in a box
Never saying goodbye
Because it was all so sudden
Like time scatter to dust

The noise of their heartbeats
And love and gratitude
Always buries the shit
Deep in my own red muscles
What's left of them

Let me rot
Like old stored fruit
Leave me alone
Away from all tendered connections
So I never have to say goodbye