my impossible self

Cold comes in through the window
Wrapping my skin like gray smoke
Drawing moisture out through open pores
I evaporate into the blue of night
Particles of my impossible self
Drift back to the outside
A shiny school of silvery fish-like gobs
Circling, protecting what I am
Or will become
From stalking predators
Hungry for flesh that's now meat
The waning moon carries each molecule
With soft light reflecting with underwater luminosity
Flying with undreamt dreams
And unfurled prayers that whisper to oblivious gods
Disappearing in the void of space
I'm blinded by my own green man
He dances on the black hole's edge, pushing me
Razor sharp intent pierces my clouded eyes
I'm spread thin for the first time
For the only and last time
Touching the hot of the Sun
Floating on the ice of Saturn's rings
One million atoms touch
I can see everything clearly now
One piece at a time without time

new

You see me
In bright starbursts
Through black sunspots
Painting my
Night sky
Into blue motion
Specked with silver hope

Your watercolors
Wash the darkness
Into light
A single brush stroke
Theurgical tints
Dye me
A volatile pink

Lexical utterances
Webbed together
Weave comet tails
With satellite moons
Pull me and push me
In physical rapture
Laughing from cloud nine

Titter and roar
At the emptiness
Of space
Orbiting on the
Creation of a new me
You color me
New

composure

Compose ...compose

Words from my fingertips
Like meaningless music
Drawn into the needle
Screeching across vinyl
Hands over my ears
Hoping for silence

Composition

The finished serenade
A twisted aria injected
In my bulging vein
Quivering nervous system
Waiting for the surge of euphoric
Nonsense of my own making

Composure ...composure

The overdose of my own
Vacant words leaves
Me empty from purpose
The needletip scribbles with
Autonomous vigor and
I am never heard

daydreams

Pillow soft
Night dreams
Whisper
And tied
The underbrush
Wild Like a stampede
Of horses

Sleep... sleep

In waking dreams
Once tame
A Pandora's box
Of crazed madness
Escaped
With all the churning
Desire of
Blood thirsty
Steamed nostrils
Foaming
Rabid equine

Pillow soft
Night dreams
Vaporized
Breathed in and exhaled
In a rough, pounding
Thrust of
Chest and hips
Restrained
Hot skin

Sleep... sleep

Dancing above
Contortions
Legs braided
Welding fleshly
Limbs awkwardly
Jockeying
For a primal position
Tongue concentrations
On pores and wrinkles

Sleep... sleep

Pinpoints of daylight
Prick my
Red flesh
Sun's warmth
Comes in waves
Lapping at
Burnt skin
Releasing the cold
Winter of
24-hour moonlight

Sleep

Diamond hard
Daydreams
Penetrate deep inside
Me
He reigns in
My dreams to
Shun sleep
And sleep
Is never the same

720

Shining black
Absorbs the sun
Devours the past
Present
Future

Two clicks
Ahead
Cutting teeth
Point every way
But down

Long
Red
Line
Twirls the thick
Black numbers

A spinning
Ballroom dance
Just for two
Curling to the surface
Tapping

Ticking
Clicking
Ticking
Echoes
Through the empty house

Bouncing
Off wood
Ribboned with wear
Searching out
The comfortable bird

Seven twenty
Breaks

Chiming church bells
Wailing train whistles
Shattered windows
Broken darkness
Erodes cogs

A lifetime of
Stop
Faded light
Was the
First thing to see

heroin

He is my
Heroin
Sharp
Needle prick
Shot in
Craving veins
Tight rubber
Squeezing
Arms
From
Mind numbing
Bliss
To crumpled
Junkie
My
Addiction
Selling
My soul
My senses
For another
Fix
Just one more fix
The pain
Stripped
Peeled away
Flesh off
Of flesh
And re poured into
My pores
Every ounce
Hurts
Like orange
Napalm
I want
Heroin
To feel
Again
Recovery
Gnaws my
Chambers
Tearing heart
Muscle
To unconsciousness
My addiction
I am burning
White fire
On fire
He is
My heroin

foam

I wish I could grab
Words out of the sky
And put them in my pocket
To hold the letters
In my hand
Like they do
On Sesame Street
Red foam sounds
Squishy shapes
To save for later

if you love him, set him free

When I look to his face
I feel a familiarity
That is ages old

His eyes
Windows deep into his soul
I can touch him there

He sees me
Knowing the knowness
And becoming One a moment at a time

Anything he asks
Is his
He lives in my heart

I know him and knew him
At the same time
I understand him

He cares for me
But has no room
I am too far away

Complicated
And beautiful
He came from nowhere and everywhere

I wasn't looking
But found this flawed
And perfect light

He woke me up
Wakes me up
Gives me breath in the minutes I'm drowning

Wishing I had the courage
To set him free
But afraid to lose a centuries old connection

pedigree

I am broken
Born broken
Into a broken family

Intuition turns
Twisted into
Paranoia

We never
Had a chance
To think

Redundant
Questions never
Have the right answer

Their voices
On endless repeat
Repeated in my ear

I am the best
Of my
Malformed breed

A feckless malcontent
Pointlessly roaming
In search of peace or truth

Mythical beasts
That don't exist in
The real world

Hopelessness and
Wasted potential
Pave my way

Dropping words to
Relieve the pressure
Of ...everything

Drawn in with manipulation
Down with the
Suction only love can bring

Conditional bargains
And one sided conversations
I'm not at a loss of how I am

There is no heart
No love only the
Tight tentacled bond of verbal abuse

Physically broken
Mentally broken
Broken in the confines of this cage

Here I will
Stay because they
Tossed my function long ago

lava

This little bit
Of lava in
My hand
Has gotten bigger

It was small when
I started now
I need two hands
To maintain stability

Hovering above
My fingertips sometimes
It touches down and
Burns me

Burning flesh melting
Like candle wax
Cold black loveless
Blood flakes in the mud

Molten rock was
Never for me it
Was always
Someone else's voodoo

An observer I
Watched them twist
And contort in
Relentless passion

As I swam in
The relative comfort
Of lukewarm
Mediocrity

These years later
I swim in the
Geo thermo pools I
Didn't know existed

Holding my breath
I dive deep and grab
The glow of pushing
Rock and steam

This ball in my
Hand I thought
I never deserved
And still don't

It melts through
My fingers and
As I try to stop it
It slithers away

And empty handed
I watch lava join
New old lava in
Creative bliss

And empty handed
I watch without
An ounce of control as
I'm swept back to lukewarm seas

And empty handed
I crawl to shore
Soaking and
Reaching for what I never had

Without water I
Gasp for my atmosphere
Bury me before
I feel again

silk

Devastating
If only I knew
Before now

Such a life
Adventure
And spirit
Swimming with orcas
In cold oceans
And dancing
In fires from driftwood

Her words were like
Silk against my
Pages
She flowed over prose
As the salt water
She brought back
And smiled

She too said I
Was beautiful and
Funny
And smart
Now

She is breast less
And withered
Poisoned from the
Poison to save her

Devastation

I am so sad
for her

coal

Wet grainy gravel as
sand sinks with my steps.

Walking thousands of
wind blown miles
in search of that new
new newness. Barefoot and
exposed and too old to see.

I Sift through
and step around
buoys and glass and plastic.
My skin feels that new thing
mixed in with the
civilized debris.

Tiny chunks
of black wash up to
my feet when I look away
deep from the ocean
in foamy waves
of miniature tsunamis.

They're layered like dark paper.

Layered with time I don't have.

An archaeological discovery
under a microscope. Cobbled
together for thousands
of years to be this
newness for me in
the right now.

Small black fragility
waiting to succumb to
new fire.

Creating new fire.

The earth and the sea
pressed together in
grinding ecstasy for
this small bit of
smudged energy.

Another
thousand years to diamonds.

I like this form better.

Rough and impermanent.

Put it in my pocket
to burn later. Adding
to my fire to warm me.

To keep my body hot and
my blood in ceaseless
rotation. To let me think
and breathe again.

Adding this
ancient newness to
my fire for a
thousand years.

Palpable and ready to burn.

I never knew it was
there until my feet
stumbled upon it.